"Fare thee well, Abyssinia!"
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Overview of episode
This section is an overview of the episode. For a transcript, see Attrition (Spicy AHoE)/transcript.
The series opens on Germany talking about the war grinding to a halt, and how it is slowly becoming a war of attrition. Germany says that the war should be kept static and that they should eliminate any variables that could screw up their chances of victory so that they can stop famine in their nation. Germany then decides that America is their main problem and that they should be kept out of the war.
The speaker then switches to the United Kingdom, who says that they think that Germany is planning something. They talk to America and tell them to stay careful. However, America thinks that the United Kingdom worries too much, and says that Germany has no reason to attack him. The United Kingdom is aggravated by America's "relentless neutrality", and reminds America of the Lusitania. Britain says that Germany is mad and that he cannot be trusted. America says that Germany "might be despicable, but he's not a maniac" and that the "Lusitania was not directed at me", and that "my neutrality is my stability". They say that they do not want to risk that, and Britain responds with "have it your way".
Germany is speaking again, this time with Mexico. Germany asks Mexico to remember their glory days when they were an empire. Germany then rambles on, during which Mexico interrupts and tells Germany to get to the point. Germany says that Mexico should take their old land back. Mexico thinks about this proposal and agrees. Mexico asks when they can start, and Germany says, "whenever you're ready".
Mexico invades America, beginning the Second Mexican-American War. America says that they can take Mexico down easily. They then say that Germany is helping them, to which Germany denies. They say that they had no intentions of intervention. After this, Mexico, while angry, decides that they and the United States will fight.
Britain thinks that Germany is behind the Mexican-American War. America denies this and says that Britain told America to watch out for Germany, not Mexico. Britain is angry and calls America dense. America says that they can control their emotions. He then monologues about how there is no reason why Germany would go to war against America, considering the current state of Germany. America then tells Britain that they can no longer sell Britain supplies.
The war then continues, with German-Austrian forces advancing in the east, Ottoman-Austrian forces advancing in Greece, Austrian forces advancing in Italy, and British advances in Gaza and Mesopotamia.
Russia then asks how this all happened. With German advancements and rioters in the streets, Tsar Nicholas II is forced to step down. He turns control of the country over to Alexander Kerensky, who forms the Russian Provisional Government. Kerensky thanks the Tsar for abdicating, and says that "it is time to save this country".
Austria-Hungary says that the war is not going ideally. Germany says that the war may not be ideal, but that "these are fine conditions". Austria says that they are starving to death, which shows that things are not "fine". To this, Germany says, "could it not be far worse?". Germany states a few reasons why they are winning and says that they will win.
With revolutionaries rising up, Kerensky says that this is the end of the line for him. He then says "Okay soviet filth. You win." The Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic is formed, with Vladimir Lenin as the leader. They say that there is no need to continue the war, and asks the Germans what they want. Germany first establishes demands not for them. This includes the annexation of a small amount of southeastern Caucasian territory by the Ottoman Empire. Germany then puppets 4 nations, including Poland, Lithuania, the Baltic Duchy, and Byelorussia (erroneously referred to on the map as Byelorusia, with one s). They also wish to free "those that fought along with me". These nations are Finland, Moldova (later annexed into occupied Romania), Ukraine, Don Cossacks, Armenia, Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Bukhara.
Germany, ecstatic over their victory on the eastern front, celebrate. However, the British are dejected and say that they wish that America could help. America gives a standoffish response, and Britain says that they will move on to find "more loyal allies".
The Ottoman Empire, while victorious, is running out of food supplies, so they decide to make peace with the British, who then annex Gaza and Mesopotamia. The Ottoman Empire then leaves the war, while Gaza is annexed into British Egypt, and Mesopotamia, along with the already-British colony of Kuwait, becomes British Arabia.
Greece says that they want to end the war in the Balkans. Bulgaria annexes their "greater ambitions", while the rest of Serbia and Montenegro are puppeted by Austria-Hungary. Germany is impressed and asks how they are managing that with all of their internal instability. There is a very quick cut-to-black, but right before, the Hungarian Republic says "They aren't managing".
- The nation that secedes from Austria is called the "Hungarian Republic", but the nation that is shown in the next episode(and all the others) is called the Kingdom of Hungary.